Stop Signs

The cook is disappointed in a dish and it ends up in the garbage…

The golfer hits a relatively poor shot and angrily flings his club…

In the midst of a fine day you bang your toe on a piece of furniture and descend into anguished tears…

Some little thing occurs that is not part of the plan, that is not quite the expected outcome, and it elicits a reaction so out of proportion as to appear comical, if not a sign of derangement, to an observer. Likely some degree of shame, perhaps masked as rationalization, follows. If only it was the casserole or the golf shot or the furniture placement that was to blame, life would be so easy. One could find a new recipe, put in additional practice, hire an interior designer, and solve that nasty outburst issue once and for all.

But it’s not really the dish or the shot or the momentarily painful toe, is it?

The outburst is seldom about its immediate cause. One common way to refer to such disproportional reactions is to say one was triggered, as if a fallen soufflé gives one license to rage. But what does a trigger do? A trigger releases pent up energy in the most destructive manner possible. Is that what we want? To do damage and harm? One would hope the answer is no.

Rather than triggers, think of stop signs.

Stop signs are placed in areas one might do harm to themselves or to others. They tell us to pause, to be aware, to consider before continuing.

That uncontrolled outburst asks the same. Often there is something that has been too long neglected, too long ignored. The outburst is Mother telling you to clean your room. The outburst, if heeded, is a force for good. The anger or sorrow it unleashed was patiently waiting to be resolved. Instead it was ignored.

It is the work one often refuses to do that makes life difficult.

Be mindful of stop signs and fear not the difficult, deep questions. Life is only truly difficult when we make it so.